I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
