you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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