Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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