I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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