Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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