Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
