I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
