Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
