So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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