My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize