well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
