I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
