we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
