So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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