oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
