Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
