that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
