I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He felt like a one man threesome
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
