dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
