i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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