I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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