I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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