Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
