It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
