we're blogging at a bar
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
