You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
