I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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