Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
