just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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