1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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