: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
