I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There r osticjed everywhere
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize