The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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