I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
