when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize