It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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