No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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