how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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