i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
