Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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