you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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