she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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