I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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