dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
