my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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