If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
