someone get that fucking seahorse.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
this boner is exhausting
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
