Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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