so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
