Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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