I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
please come you make the beer taste better
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
