I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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