I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You made out with two different species that night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
