So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
