remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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