forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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