I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
