So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
