She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
