By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize