why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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